Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
