i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
