dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
