i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
