he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
