i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
