I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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