Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
