I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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