let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
