I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
