I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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