The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
