that's an acceptable place to lick
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize