oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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