I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
