grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
