I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
