Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
