We won't sleep together?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
