Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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