Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
