i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
