I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
