what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He passed out mid-signature
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
