Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
