I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
