You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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