i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
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