I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
