He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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