I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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