I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
