Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
