"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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