So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
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