What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
