Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
The Olympian is in my bed
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
