The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
