Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
