I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
