party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
