nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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