Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
