I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
