please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
