Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
