u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
