I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
