A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
