They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
