i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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