frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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