this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize