Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
