a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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