Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
