i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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