It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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