Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
