Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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