i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
