i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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