He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
